So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
