The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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