Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
