i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
