3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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