i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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