I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
