I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize