Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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