we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
