i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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