I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
