my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
