i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
