ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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