Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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