And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Just fell off a train. Bad.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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