nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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