You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
