K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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