So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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