Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
