I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
jump out the window naked night went bad
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