half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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