I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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