Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
