Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
