I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
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