Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
