Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
