I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
