we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Randomize
