we're chasing vodka with high fives
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
