If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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