got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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