We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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