Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
