His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
