I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
the day after is always just damage control
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
