My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
