I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
