Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
