Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Is Oprah even human
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
