You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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