Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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