found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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