fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
How naked do you want me to be?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize