She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
My ass is underappreciated
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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