I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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