Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
