i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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