A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
