sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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