How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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