I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
