i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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