i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize