Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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