Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
