Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
