A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
My pussy is not your playground.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
