Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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