Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
