I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I think a kid would responsible me up
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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