One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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