We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
be right there i have to get my cape
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
