she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
