First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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