You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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