I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
