I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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