with your own penis?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
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