but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I wish i was in the wii world.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
