I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
