capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
