I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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