i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
