I'm so fucking centered right now
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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