Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
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