I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
