No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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