If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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